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Have you heard, have you heard, Have you heard, have you heard? Oh yeah. (Go, go, go, go, go Chainsaw! Go, go, go, go, go Chainsaw!) Have you heard about that Albert Dunlap? (No!) He’s my hero all the way to the bank. (No!!!) No? Well, turn off your Oster blender, Quiet down those hounds, So I can tell you ‘bout this brilliant think-tank. He’s an American Original, he’s turned around A dozen bus’nesses across this great land, Just ask them fine folks in the Brotherly Love town; They weep at the sound of his name, With their tissues in hand. Well, if someone’s gotta problem with “Chainsaw Al,” They better take it up with me, ‘Cause you know I like him well, you know I do. (Go, go, go, go, go Chainsaw! Go, go, go, go, go Chainsaw!) Friend-boy, I read an article in Newsweek that says Chainsaw likes to have a project to fix It don’t matter if the company’s in trouble or not He’ll still save it ‘cause that’s how he gets kicks. & if he has to lay off a couple thousand or three, That’s OK, he’s well-liked by us boys on Wall Street: I just saw some of them guys in their suits & ties Lining up to be next to kiss his feet. He says, “The corporate world’s like a war, And some casualties are bound to fall.” Oh yeah. Mister Albert Dunlap He’s a corp’rate speed trap Mister Hostile Takeo’er He can’t get much lower Mister Albert Dunlap Someday he’ll pay his rap The sun beaming his neck When he’s down for the dirt nap That’s when God will strike back The Lord’s Empire strikes back Someday we will strike back First Alert will strike back First Alert will strike back First Alert will strike back. (Go, go, go, go, go Chainsaw! Go, go, go, go, go Chainsaw!) Have you heard some of these cowards? They’re afraid to achieve; They say he strip-mines instead of rebuilds. & that rube, Michael Moore, How’s he think he’s gonna make Any money off them guerrilla films? But ladies and gents, Whenever critics try to dent His rep, he stays poised when he speaks: “There’s an imbalance of skills & forces, But these growing pains should Iron out in the coming weeks.” Then Al just winks his wizened eye, & runs his hand through his hair So slicked-back white, & smiles That patented executive smile. Will the circle be unbroken? By & by, Lord, by & by. There’s a better home awaiting In the sky, Lord, in the sky Will the circle be unbroken? By & by, Lord, by & by. There’s a better home awaiting In the sky, Lord, in the sky. There are loved ones in the Glory Whose dear forms you often miss. When you close your earthly story Will you join them in their bliss? One by one, their seats were emptied. One by one, they went away. Here the circle has been broken, But will be complete one day. Will the circle be unbroken? By & by, Lord, by & by. There’s a better home awaiting In the sky, Lord, in the sky Will the circle be unbroken? By & by, Lord, by & by. There’s a better home awaiting In the sky, Lord, in the Sky. | |||||
 Your average Woody Guthrie-meets-The Doors-meets-"Smokey" Joe Baugh-meets-Cissie Cobb-meets-The Steve Miller Band-meets-The Staple Singers-meets-The Mighty Mighty Bosstones-meets-Liberace, with soulless bits of wannabe Ray Charles vocalizing thrown in for good measure. Naturally. This was inspired by the event of Sunbeam corporation's swiftly-planned dismantlement of First Alert, our father's workplace of over 25 years, as well as by the subsequent rage and sense of powerlessness felt by the soon-to-be-let-go employees. While Dunlap's 1998 firing and tearful Wall Street Journal soliloquies are, admittedly, hilarious (his line about not wanting to be the world's punching bag sounded alarmingly like "You won't have Dick Nixon to kick around anymore"), the miracle of modern downsizing continues to destroy Americans' security and livelihoods as heartlessly as ever. We hope this song will be viewed not only as a catharsis, but also as a reminder of all those who, Al or no Al, are still without jobs.  The Staple (Colön) Singers: Kathy & Gene Brooks, Melanie Brooks, Zelf the Worox, Steven "Grand Tracker" Hensley, Dave Hiatt, Gillian "B1" Jetson, Joseph "Kiwi" Mitchell, Jeffrey "Jeff Roy" Romanow, & Barb "Aunt" Taden - Background Voxes  The Doors - "LA Woman" |
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